Only on the third week back and I am already dying from the homework. Last semester's work load wasn't bad, but this semester is a new assignment every night. Currently, I am stuck on math and frankly I am tried of hitting "similar question". This has been getting more difficult to not just drop out each day. I have three assignments due in about 12 hours, so what do I decide to do? Blog.
Take my advice and don't do as I do here.
This last week has been pretty crazy actually. I made some new friends. My one friend Chris, introduced me to his friends. Friday night, all hung out and well things got exciting. When I got there, his friends were there and we chilled and talked about stuff. They left to go get high in someone's room so it was just Chris and I. Before I knew it, we were kissing. His roommate suddenly burst through the door and I fell off his lap and onto the floor. My heart was pounding. His roommate just laughed then grabbed a bag and left once more. I awkwardly stood up and Chris continued to kiss me. Well things escalated to say the least. We broke his futon actually... It was a first for both of us. (Breaking the futon, not...) ANYWAY, afterwards I realized how drunk we both were and how crazy the situation was but we were both pretty chill with it. The rest of the night we hung out in Nick's room, and talked about life and religion and crazy things and philosophies. Then around 2a.m. I fell asleep on the futon. It was a crazy night but it was cool. Best part is that it wasn't serious or anything. This is a first for me, but I like the fact I don't have to stress about any of it honestly.
This last week, I also found the amazing powers of cocoa butter! If you have never rubbed cocoa butter on your body, then I feel sorry for you!
Also I realized something. Briana, Kyle, Miles, and Dustin have all been a bit distant from me lately. I know it is just because we are all busy with our schooling and work and whatnot. It's still weird though. To go from seeing them everyday to seeing them every few days. I feel so stupid saying that. They are them, I am I, and I get this, but doesn't mean I still don't miss the comfort of hanging out with people who also enjoy hanging out with me.
Wish me luck with these assignments. I'll need it.
~Xands
Tuesday, January 31, 2017
Friday, January 13, 2017
Next Semester
Winter break was better than expected for me. Like many others, going home is both very exciting and very stressful. You have to get back in the old routine of things. You always have your family around you as well. For someone who enjoys their alone time, this can be incredibly stressful. Yet, this break wasn't all that bad. My family was pretty busy with their lives. My little brother and step-sister still had school. My step-brother was playing video games or watching tv. My parents were working. When they had their break off school, then we were always going somewhere for the holidays- may it be the grandparents or shopping. It was good though. They let me be me and I got to see how they are doing without me in the house. Actually, it's a little strange. My step-mother has really gotten into selling her Scentsy products and my father has been more invested into The Knights of Columbus. My step-sister has become obsessed even more so with playing tennis. She is going to personal trainers now. My step-brother has become more social, going to parties or hanging out with friends. My little brother has stayed the same though. Well, he has grown several inches shooting above me, my step-mother, my dad, and now on my brothers height. Other than that, everything seems stereotypically small towned still.
Now I am back to good ole MU. I have a couple days to prep for this upcoming spring semester. I am cleaning out all of my folders and throwing away papers from classes that I will never utilize again. I have to say I am nervous for this semester. I have three classes back to back to back most days of the week. I haven't had that before so I guess I'll see what it's like. Also, my journalism class has been said to be a difficult class. Supposedly it is mostly notes that makes it difficult according to people who have taken the class- but I find notes pretty easy. You just write down what's important. I just have to be open to this class.
I cannot wait though. I am going to learn so much and I am excited beyond belief still that I have made it this far. It's insane to me that I have come so far. I was projected to be the high-school-drop-out-drugged-up-teen-mom when I was in middle school. But now, here I am. Graduated from high school Magna Cum Laude, attending Mizzou, working two jobs, healthy (for the most part), and sociable. Sorry, I sound like some mother ranting about her child. I deserve to be proud though. I worked hard for this and I am going to keep working just as hard to complete the rest of my goals.
~Xands
Now I am back to good ole MU. I have a couple days to prep for this upcoming spring semester. I am cleaning out all of my folders and throwing away papers from classes that I will never utilize again. I have to say I am nervous for this semester. I have three classes back to back to back most days of the week. I haven't had that before so I guess I'll see what it's like. Also, my journalism class has been said to be a difficult class. Supposedly it is mostly notes that makes it difficult according to people who have taken the class- but I find notes pretty easy. You just write down what's important. I just have to be open to this class.
I cannot wait though. I am going to learn so much and I am excited beyond belief still that I have made it this far. It's insane to me that I have come so far. I was projected to be the high-school-drop-out-drugged-up-teen-mom when I was in middle school. But now, here I am. Graduated from high school Magna Cum Laude, attending Mizzou, working two jobs, healthy (for the most part), and sociable. Sorry, I sound like some mother ranting about her child. I deserve to be proud though. I worked hard for this and I am going to keep working just as hard to complete the rest of my goals.
~Xands
Tuesday, January 3, 2017
One Down, So Many More To Go
So, I decided that college is more than a new experience for me. It is the best experience I have had in my entire life. I am about to start my second semester at Mizzou and I cannot wait. I never understood being welcomed into a place but I do now.
Mizzou has had some crap hit them last year for the diversity protests. Well, I can't speak for what happened since I was not there- but the school is the best environment I have ever had the pleasure to be in. Within my first semester I made my first group of friends. That might not seem like much, but in high school I was a nobody with one solid friend who I still have today. That's Mary. To this day we still speak. But for me back home in Troy, I had to leave and she understood that. Luckily the group of friends at Mizzou have been everything I needed to find myself. There's Kyle and Dustin. They just became roommates at the end of the semester because Kyle's old roommate dropped out. Kyle is dating Briana. They started dating halfway through the first semester. Then there is Miles, he is from Chicago and one of the craziest kids I know. He is a sophomore at MU. He watches out over us, "his freshmen". They all live in a dorm across the street, Gateway. The only person who lives in my dorm, College Ave., is Maria. She is the most upbeat, positive, and beautiful person you could ever meet. She's insanely talented and gorgeous and it makes you not want to be her, but strive to be better. I am so glad I have them in my life.
To be honest, college life isn't all I thought it would be. I started it out with a roommate, Brittany. But that went downhill. A month into school, I began to date a boy named Tyler. He was incredible. He was hysterically funny, charming, and caring. Not to mention he had a great singing voice and won me over with a Hamilton the musical pick up line. Well during our relationship, Brittany's boyfriend broke up with her and she started taking everything out on me. It all really climaxed when I got back from visiting my mother back home. I had groceries and Tyler helped me bring them up to my dorm. Brittany wasn't there when I got upstairs. Tyler was laying on my bed, looking at his phone as I put stuff away. I noticed my colored pencils that were on my desk were out of order. (I have a slight OCD on some things) When Brittany got back into the room I asked her about it.
"Hey, did you use my pencils over the weekend?" I asked.
"Oh, yeah I was drunk. Sorry," she said.
I laughed. "It's alright, just next time ask me when you can."
She stopped and looked at me. "It's not that big of a deal."
"I know it's not. I don't mind if you use my stuff. Just let me know when you do so I don't wonder why things are out of place."
After this she got mad and said it was the first time it happened, which it wasn't. I reminded her of letting her friend, Rosita, use my pin two weeks ago and still not having it back. She stormed out, going to retrieve the pin. When she came back she told me that she "didn't want to be roommates anymore". I was confused at first but let it go. If she didn't want to be my roommate then fine. Nothing I could do about it so why dwell on it.
The next week was more crazy stupid drama that I had never dealt with. Basically, I stayed at Tyler's dorm for a little over a week. His roommate, Carter, was okay with it. We were all a huge group of friends so no one minded. In the end of the week, Brittany had apologized for being rude and I was going to come back. We still had plans to move out but that just had to come with time due to policies and whatnot. Well, Tyler and I had been strained from me living there for a while. This caused him to break up with me the day I went back to College Ave. Brittany and Rosita didn't care I was hurting and just left the room so I could sleep. It was 7:30 p.m.
That led into more drama. I was fine with the breakup surprisingly. I saw it coming. So, I just wanted to be friends again. He was a good guy, but I understand that I am a lot to handle between my anxiety and my personality. Not to mention I was his first relationship and it was fast lived like a match being struck on a windy night. The next night was the first time I drank. I drank with Carter, Briana, Miles, Kyle, and Mia. We did drunk disney with Lion King. It was fun. I felt like they still accepted me even if I wasn't Tyler's girlfriend. I ended up falling asleep when everyone but Carter and Mia were gone. I woke up to Carter shaking me. I can't remember what he was saying but I just crawled into Tyler's bed since he wasn't there for the weekend. I woke up in the morning to Carter vomitting. I helped him get himself together then went back to College Ave.
Brittany asked where I was and I told her I slept over at Carter's dorm. I also mentioned how the night went, the crazy drunk dreams I had, and what a great time it was. One of the dreams was something with penguins, another one was slightly sexual with Carter, and the other I can't remember. Well she took this and told others who told Tyler that Carter and I slept together. Which never happened. A week past and Tyler began to talk to Carter and I again. We had explained multiple times nothing happened but regardless he didn't listen until he wanted to.
I realized I couldn't trust people still. Just like in high school. So, I decided to try something. Pearl, who was friends with Brittany, was trying to let me vent. I lied to her, saying that I did actually do stuff with Carter and lied to Brittany about it. She let me talk. I asked her not to repeat anything to Brittany and she promised she wouldn't. But oh how people are stupid. She didn't know I lied to her. So when she told Brittany my made up story they immediately started telling people who could tell Tyler. Tyler and I were friends at the time and he told me and I let him know what I did. He laughed and just shook his head.
After that, I cut all those ratty girls out of my life. It's funny because they still try to be petty with me whenever they can. I, for the most part, ignore it.
I have Miles, Briana, Kyle, Dustin, and Maria all there for me. We have grown closer. We go on hikes or watch tv shows together or make Walmart runs at 1 in the morning. Maria and I work at the radio station together. They are a great group of people- "kindred spirits" as Maria calls them. One time, Maria, half of the radio station, and I took a road trip to Indiana for a concert that some of the people from our station was in. Their band, Maz Blanko, is amazing. We got to headline due to the actual headliner cancelling. We got a dope airbnb that was above a video game store. We had to track down some people who got too drunk. It was a completely new experience for me.
This entire last semester was everything it could be. I learned how people really are, I learned that I can take adult steps now that I am an adult (such as getting on medication for my anxiety, or as constantly buying groceries), and I'm starting to really discover who I am and what I want in life. I can't wait for two more weeks to pass so I can be back at school with all of my amigos.
~Xands
Mizzou has had some crap hit them last year for the diversity protests. Well, I can't speak for what happened since I was not there- but the school is the best environment I have ever had the pleasure to be in. Within my first semester I made my first group of friends. That might not seem like much, but in high school I was a nobody with one solid friend who I still have today. That's Mary. To this day we still speak. But for me back home in Troy, I had to leave and she understood that. Luckily the group of friends at Mizzou have been everything I needed to find myself. There's Kyle and Dustin. They just became roommates at the end of the semester because Kyle's old roommate dropped out. Kyle is dating Briana. They started dating halfway through the first semester. Then there is Miles, he is from Chicago and one of the craziest kids I know. He is a sophomore at MU. He watches out over us, "his freshmen". They all live in a dorm across the street, Gateway. The only person who lives in my dorm, College Ave., is Maria. She is the most upbeat, positive, and beautiful person you could ever meet. She's insanely talented and gorgeous and it makes you not want to be her, but strive to be better. I am so glad I have them in my life.
To be honest, college life isn't all I thought it would be. I started it out with a roommate, Brittany. But that went downhill. A month into school, I began to date a boy named Tyler. He was incredible. He was hysterically funny, charming, and caring. Not to mention he had a great singing voice and won me over with a Hamilton the musical pick up line. Well during our relationship, Brittany's boyfriend broke up with her and she started taking everything out on me. It all really climaxed when I got back from visiting my mother back home. I had groceries and Tyler helped me bring them up to my dorm. Brittany wasn't there when I got upstairs. Tyler was laying on my bed, looking at his phone as I put stuff away. I noticed my colored pencils that were on my desk were out of order. (I have a slight OCD on some things) When Brittany got back into the room I asked her about it.
"Hey, did you use my pencils over the weekend?" I asked.
"Oh, yeah I was drunk. Sorry," she said.
I laughed. "It's alright, just next time ask me when you can."
She stopped and looked at me. "It's not that big of a deal."
"I know it's not. I don't mind if you use my stuff. Just let me know when you do so I don't wonder why things are out of place."
After this she got mad and said it was the first time it happened, which it wasn't. I reminded her of letting her friend, Rosita, use my pin two weeks ago and still not having it back. She stormed out, going to retrieve the pin. When she came back she told me that she "didn't want to be roommates anymore". I was confused at first but let it go. If she didn't want to be my roommate then fine. Nothing I could do about it so why dwell on it.
The next week was more crazy stupid drama that I had never dealt with. Basically, I stayed at Tyler's dorm for a little over a week. His roommate, Carter, was okay with it. We were all a huge group of friends so no one minded. In the end of the week, Brittany had apologized for being rude and I was going to come back. We still had plans to move out but that just had to come with time due to policies and whatnot. Well, Tyler and I had been strained from me living there for a while. This caused him to break up with me the day I went back to College Ave. Brittany and Rosita didn't care I was hurting and just left the room so I could sleep. It was 7:30 p.m.
That led into more drama. I was fine with the breakup surprisingly. I saw it coming. So, I just wanted to be friends again. He was a good guy, but I understand that I am a lot to handle between my anxiety and my personality. Not to mention I was his first relationship and it was fast lived like a match being struck on a windy night. The next night was the first time I drank. I drank with Carter, Briana, Miles, Kyle, and Mia. We did drunk disney with Lion King. It was fun. I felt like they still accepted me even if I wasn't Tyler's girlfriend. I ended up falling asleep when everyone but Carter and Mia were gone. I woke up to Carter shaking me. I can't remember what he was saying but I just crawled into Tyler's bed since he wasn't there for the weekend. I woke up in the morning to Carter vomitting. I helped him get himself together then went back to College Ave.
Brittany asked where I was and I told her I slept over at Carter's dorm. I also mentioned how the night went, the crazy drunk dreams I had, and what a great time it was. One of the dreams was something with penguins, another one was slightly sexual with Carter, and the other I can't remember. Well she took this and told others who told Tyler that Carter and I slept together. Which never happened. A week past and Tyler began to talk to Carter and I again. We had explained multiple times nothing happened but regardless he didn't listen until he wanted to.
I realized I couldn't trust people still. Just like in high school. So, I decided to try something. Pearl, who was friends with Brittany, was trying to let me vent. I lied to her, saying that I did actually do stuff with Carter and lied to Brittany about it. She let me talk. I asked her not to repeat anything to Brittany and she promised she wouldn't. But oh how people are stupid. She didn't know I lied to her. So when she told Brittany my made up story they immediately started telling people who could tell Tyler. Tyler and I were friends at the time and he told me and I let him know what I did. He laughed and just shook his head.
After that, I cut all those ratty girls out of my life. It's funny because they still try to be petty with me whenever they can. I, for the most part, ignore it.
I have Miles, Briana, Kyle, Dustin, and Maria all there for me. We have grown closer. We go on hikes or watch tv shows together or make Walmart runs at 1 in the morning. Maria and I work at the radio station together. They are a great group of people- "kindred spirits" as Maria calls them. One time, Maria, half of the radio station, and I took a road trip to Indiana for a concert that some of the people from our station was in. Their band, Maz Blanko, is amazing. We got to headline due to the actual headliner cancelling. We got a dope airbnb that was above a video game store. We had to track down some people who got too drunk. It was a completely new experience for me.
This entire last semester was everything it could be. I learned how people really are, I learned that I can take adult steps now that I am an adult (such as getting on medication for my anxiety, or as constantly buying groceries), and I'm starting to really discover who I am and what I want in life. I can't wait for two more weeks to pass so I can be back at school with all of my amigos.
~Xands
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